


Together Forever

by Annide



Series: Febuwhump [9]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Episode: s04e05 Buck Begins, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29725413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annide/pseuds/Annide
Summary: Five times a Buckley sibling asked another to let them go and one time they asked the opposite
Relationships: Daniel Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley
Series: Febuwhump [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2116785
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	Together Forever

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MaddieandChimney](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/gifts).



> Written for febuwhump day 28: "you have to let me go". [Maddie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney) requested Buckley siblings.
> 
> Canon compliant until the events of the last scene occur in the show

1

“You have to let me go.”

“I can’t, you’re my little brother. I love you.”

“I know, Maddie, I love you too. But the doctors tried everything. I’m tired, and I’m dying.”

“How did you get so grown up? You’re still a little kid.”

“I have a great big sister to look up to?”

Maddie smiled. They both knew it was the sickness that forced him to grow up way too fast. Forced both of them to grow up fast. She tightened her grip around her brother and Daniel buried his face deeper into her neck. She could feel tears falling onto her skin, and her own eyes started watering again.

After all this time fighting, it was hard to believe they’d lost. They’d only known for a few days. The bone marrow transplant hadn’t worked. It really was the end this time. They were out of options and Daniel was getting worse fast. He would never leave this hospital again. It felt unfair that he would die now. They didn’t have enough time together. He was such a bright kid, he deserved more time.

“You know what makes me the most sad about dying?”

“What?”

“I won’t get to know my little brother. I wanted to have one so bad and now I don’t even get to really know him. I wanted to teach him how to ride a bike, so the three of us could have adventures together.”

Maddie was fully crying now. She’d tried to keep it in, to stay strong for her brother, like her parents kept telling her to be, but the dam broke. There had gotten to be too much for her to stop and it was flowing down her face.

“You’ll teach him, right, Maddie? You’ll go on adventures and you’ll always have each other? Even when one of you gets in trouble?”

“I promise, Buckley siblings against the world,” she said.

She held out her pinky finger for him and he linked his with it. A promise to never forget, but also to never let it destroy what they had, what Maddie and Evan could have. Maddie would tell her youngest brother everything about Daniel, she would make sure he knew him as well as if he had any memory of him.

“I wish I could tell Evan how lucky he is. He’ll grow up with the best big sister anyone could ask for.”

2

“You have to let me go.”

“It’s not like I can do anything to stop you, your decision’s already made.”

Evan sat across from her. His face covered in blood from cuts and bruises he’d gotten on his bike earlier, when he rode away, angry about the news she’d given him, angrier about the way their parents had reacted and talked to her.

“Leaving is what I need right now. You want me to be happy, don’t you?”

“Yeah, of course, but...” He winced from the contact with the product she was using to clean up his injuries. “I just think you’d be happier with me than Doug.”

It saddened her to hear her brother say her boyfriend’s name in such a derogatory way. She’d wished so hard for them to get along, but, for some reason, Doug seemed to rub Evan the wrong way.

“It’s not about you, or Doug. Sure, I’m following him to Boston, but really I need to get away. I’m sure you understand. Wouldn’t you want to be somewhere else too? Some place where mom and dad wouldn’t constantly be there to berate you?”

“I hate it when you make sense. It’s so much harder to be mad at you.”

“I’ll miss you too, Evan.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.”

He smiled, but it didn’t make it all the way to his eyes. She knew her decision to move to Boston would hurt her brother, that’s why it had been so hard to make. She never wanted to see him sad.

“It’s always been just the two of us, and now I’ll be all alone.”

It pained her to hear a reminder of the secret her parents had forced her to keep from him. She wanted to stop lying right this second. She wanted to spill the truth about Daniel and tell Evan how much pain she was in when he died, but how eventually it didn’t hurt quite as much. The same way it would be for him when she moved. But she couldn’t, and part of her thought maybe it was better that way, that maybe her parents were right and the truth would only hurt him.

“I’ll only be a phone call away. You can call if you need anything. Anytime.”

“What if I just want to talk? What if it’s every day?”

“We can talk every day, if you want. You’re my little brother and I love you. That’ll never change.”

“I love you too. Even if you’re leaving me to patch myself up from now on.”

“How about you stop getting hurt? Maybe be more careful on your bike?”

“I am careful, I swear!”

Maddie snorted. She would miss seeing him every day, but she needed a life of her own, away from their parents, away from the weight of that secret she had to keep, away from the grief she could never fully process. She would build a life of her own in Boston, with a man who made her feel more wanted and understood than her parents had in a decade.

3

“You have to let me go.”

“Nah, that’s not gonna work this time, Maddie. Please, you have to come with me. I can tell you’re not happy here. Come on, we’ll start something new together! I know you want to, it’s all over your face.”

“It’s not that simple. I can’t just leave everything behind, I have a life here. A good life.”

“It’s not a good life if you’re not happy in it.”

They stood in a quiet street, late at night. Maddie had just picked up her brother from home. He’d come to her earlier in the hospital, injured from a motorbike accident he’d gotten into, and panicked because he would get into trouble with their parents again. He’d begged her to let him stay at her place and he looked so sheepish, she agreed to help him.

“It’s just a rough patch, Evan. Everyone has those. I promise, I’m fine.”

It was a lie. She was far from it. But she couldn’t possibly admit the truth. Part of her desperately wanted to go with him, to leave Doug and never look back, but it felt too good, too easy.

“You need to go and do your own thing. You can’t figure out who you are with me by your side all the time. I think you should spend some time on your own, far from anything tying you to your past. Just like I did when I moved to Boston and, see, I figured out who I would become.”

“But, Maddie...”

Somehow, with his puppy eyes and his persistence, he got her to agree to going with him. She was nervous and scared, but excited. Because he was right, she wasn’t happy. She hadn’t been happy in a long time.

It broke her heart to have to let him down, to have to stay when she’d promised they’d go together. She was convinced he would never forgive her, that he would cut off ties with her the same way their parents had. She should’ve known Evan was better than that. She should’ve known her brother would never give up on her, no matter how many postcards she left answered. He kept sending them, bringing a bit of light into her life with every single one of them. It brought her more comfort than she could ever say to know he would never let her go.

4

“You have to let me go.”

Those words uttered so long ago by her little brother as he lay dying in his hospital bed came back to Maddie as she sat on the patch of grass next to his tombstone. She hadn’t come to visit him in such a long time. It was hard to come growing up, after they moved away. Away from their memories, away from Daniel’s resting place, away from everyone who knew him. But not away from their grief. The grief she had to bury deep down to protect her youngest brother, to care for him. All while their parents completely fell apart, a thing she was never allowed to do.

Today wasn’t a day to reflect on that, however, today was not a day to be sad. It was a day to be strong and proud. She wasn’t here to reminisce; she was here to share good news with her brother. And to say goodbye.

“I’ve finally done it, Daniel. I never thought I would, you know. But I’ve done it. I left him.”

The stone was just as still as it always was. The entire cemetery was completely calm. It always felt like time stood still here. As you walked through it, the sun warming your skin, a soft breeze ruffling your hair, it felt like the most peaceful place you could ever find. But it didn’t feel lonely. Maddie had never felt alone when she’d come here. Not in a creepy, scary way, in a reassuring, supportive way. As though the dead were rooting for her. They’d lived their lives and now it was her turn. And she was finally free.

“I have this great co-worker, well had I guess. And he helped me. He’d offered so many times before, and so did my boss. Oh, she was wonderful, Daniel, I don’t think I’ll ever get such a great superior.”

She let a breath escape her lips. It was hard to think about all the good things she was leaving behind. As necessary as it was. She would miss these people so much.

“I emptied my locker and my co-worker drove me home. He helped me pack all the things that were most important to me and then he drove me to the car rental place. We both agreed that it would be safer for me to put some distance between me and Hershey before I boarded a plane, you know?”

A bird chirped in a nearby tree and Maddie smiled. She remembered how much Daniel and her liked to watch the birds in their yard and try to figure out what kind they were. They would go to the store with their mother to pick out food for the feeders to attract specific ones. They even built their own birdhouses with the help of their father. They sat at the table outside together painting them and Daniel wouldn’t stop talking about how excited he was for birds to make a nest in them.

“I paid cash for the rental, and my co-worker purchased my plane ticket for me. I wanted to repay him, but he insisted. Apparently our boss chipped in too. Those two love me so much, they wanted to do as much as they could to help. It reminded me of those last few years, remember? How hard mom and dad tried to save you? How they were willing to do whatever it took to help you?”

Maddie sat in silence for a moment. She grieved the family they used to have. The family they probably never would have again. Part of her was angry. Furious that her co-workers were there for her, but her parents weren’t. They had completely cut her off when she got married, to the point she didn’t think she could go to them now. When she needed family more than ever.

“I wanted to come say goodbye. I’m flying to LA soon and I won’t be able to come back for a while, maybe ever. I’m sad to let you go a final time. I miss you so much, Daniel, you have no idea. It’s going to be hard to be so far away from you.”

A tear ran down her cheek. She hadn’t meant to be so emotional, but maybe she should’ve expected it. After all, it was a big step she was taking today and she had never done something so difficult before. She was leaving everything behind. The entire life she’d built here. The entire life she used to have here, back when she still remembered what happiness felt like.

“I’m going to start a new life, a good one. Better yet, I finally get to visit our little brother. I miss him a lot too. All these years with only his postcards to keep me going. Today I get to surprise him, to see the man he’s become. You know, he’s a firefighter. He saves lives every day. I’m so proud of him, I know you would be too.”

She let the silence envelop her. These were her last few minutes on the east coast, her last few minutes with Daniel, and she wanted to savour them. She put her hand on his tombstone, next to the picture they’d had put on there. She cried some more, letting out as many of her feelings as possible. Finally, she collected herself, said her last goodbye to her brother and left. She could only hope that the rest of her life would bring as much happiness as her past had brought sadness and misery.

5

“You have to let me go.”

“Don’t you think you’re being a little overdramatic?”

Buck rolled his eyes at her. She offered him the plate of food she’d just made him again. Her insistent stare seemed to do the trick and this time he actually took it. Reluctantly, and most likely for no other reason than to get her off his back, he started eating.

“No, I’m not. I already told you this months ago. Being a firefighter was my life. When I told you I’d be something one day, that was the something. I can’t go through everything it took to get me here again. My life is over.”

“Your life is not over. This is just a setback. You’ll get back to being a firefighter as soon as the doctors figure out what caused the clot. You just need to be patient.”

“And what if they never do?”

“They will. Stop being so pessimistic. And light duty isn’t as bad as you make it sound. A lot of first responders on light duty come work with us at dispatch. We could be coworkers, wouldn’t that be fun?”

“Sitting at a desk all day? No, that doesn’t sound fun.”

Maddie wished there was something she could do to help him. He hadn’t left his apartment in a week and he barely ate. Watching him feeling so hopeless broke her heart. It was almost as painful as watching him cough up blood had been. All she’d ever wanted was for him to be happy.

“It’s temporary. You won’t be on light duty forever.”

“But I shouldn’t be on light duty. I can do the job I had. There’s no reason not to let me. I passed all the tests, the doctors cleared me. If anything were to happen, Hen, Chim and Eddie would be right there, ready to help.”

“It’s too dangerous, Evan. You shouldn’t take such a big risk. I don’t want you to get hurt, and I refuse to lose... I refuse to lose you.”

She had almost said “I refuse to lose another brother”, but she’d caught herself just in time. Seeing him collapse at Athena’s had brought back all of those memories of Daniel crashing, of being pulled out of the way and watching from afar as doctors and nurses tried and failed to bring him back. She’d been so afraid this was about to be the same thing all over again. And it would’ve been if the majority of people at the party hadn’t been first responders themselves.

“You won’t lose me, Maddie. Why can’t everyone stop worrying about me?”

“Because every day, you jump into danger with no regards for your own safety. If you did that while you’re on blood thinners, you could die. I care about you, your whole team cares about you. We don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“Not being able to be a firefighter is something that’s happening to me. You don’t understand, no one understands.”

He was right. She didn’t fully understand why he was so destroyed over this. She kept telling him they all still loved him, and would whether or not he was a firefighter, but it didn’t help. Nothing helped. She texted Eddie. She was hoping Buck’s best friend could find a way to get him out of the apartment. In the meantime, all she could do was be there for her brother, give him a hug, rub his back and repeat again and again that it would all be alright. And it would be.

+1

“I’m not going anywhere, Maddie. You can do this.”

“No, I can’t. This wasn’t supposed to happen now. It’s too soon. Howie isn’t even here.”

“He will be. Now, breathe.”

She didn’t want to breathe. She was in what might possibly be the most pain she had ever been in and it brought back so many memories of every other pain she’d felt before. It was overwhelming, she never thought it would be like this. All she could think about was how much she wished Chimney was here.

“Maddie, look at me. Take a deep breath. Come on, deep breaths.”

Tears pearled at the edge of her eyes, but Maddie did what her brother asked. It did help calm her down and settle her thoughts. She put her hand on her belly and smiled. Her little girl was on her way. She was coming. Soon, she’d be a mother. It was an amazing thought, but also terrifying.

“It’s gonna be okay, Maddie. Chim is on his way, he’ll make it.” Buck made to stand. “I should get you ice chips or something.”

“No, stay. Just hold me until Howie gets here.”

Buck wrapped his arms tighter around her.

“I’m not letting go of you for any reason. Even Chim might have trouble getting my big sister away from me.”

“You’re going to make a great uncle, Evan.”

She wanted to say more, but another contraction stopped her. Buck breathed with her. He held her hand even as she squeezed hard enough to hurt him. He rubbed her back. He did everything he could think of to make her feel better. All these years, he had never given up on her, had never let her go, and she couldn’t be more grateful.

“I don’t know what I would do without you. You’re the best brother I could ever hope for.”

“Only because I had a great sister to look up to.”

Maddie extended her pinky finger and Buck linked his in.

“Together forever?”

“Together forever. You, me, Chimney and your little girl.”

As a new contraction came, like another painful wave, Maddie had a thought for Daniel. Maybe they could take a trip one day, the four of them, and visit Daniel’s grave. She would love to sit in that beautiful spot again, look at the old picture and tell them all she could remember about him. Just like she’d planned to do all those years ago.


End file.
